THE “PITY-PARTY”

Bad Behaviour?

Time with Jesus - Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Hi all,

Why do we do the things we do? Those who believe in God say that it is a part of the sin nature, we have all inherited. People need to be taught good behaviour. This starts with babies and is an on-going process. If left to themselves, children will run wild and become unmanageable. In essence, we believe that we are born “bad” and need to have this inclination disciplined out of us.

Good Behaviour?

The vast majority of men and women today are humanists. They believe that we are born naturally good. That, left to ourselves and our own devices, we will never do anything “bad”. Children should not be disciplined but allowed to do exactly what they want. If we interfere with them and the things they want to do, we are traumatising them. In other words, leave them alone and let them find themselves. in this world untrammelled by any “baggage’ from our individual past.

Bad Behaviour?

Phyllida and I are Christians and believe that children need discipline.

 This is in line with the teaching of Scripture: ²⁴ Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. Pro 13:24 NLT Phyllida and I would rather side with God’s opinion, rather than the combined opinion of many qualified and highly educated men and women. 

Good Behaviour?

We prefer to side with the words of King David who said: ²⁸ For You are God, O Sovereign LORD. Your words are truth, and You have promised these good things to Your servant. 2 Samuel 7:28 NLT

Whether or not we are Christian, we have views and opinions of our own. Sometimes these are based on the truth of Scripture. At other times, they are based on our own selfish preferences. For example, most of us would like to be honoured for something we have done or something we are. As children we want to play with something. But someone else is playing with it. So we bawl and squall hoping that mom or dad will intervene and settle the matter in our favour. 

Parents Behaviour?

The Sulks

Then, horror of horrors, they do nothing but sit and watch. This makes us even angrier and our behaviour changes into something decidedly unacceptable. Then we get sent to our room, still bawling and squalling. Once there, in comparative privacy, we begin to sulk and “throw our toys out of the cot”. We have just been introduced to the first step of a pity party. We go from frustration at failing to get our way. to sulking. If nobody comes to comfort us, the sulking increases by degrees. We become thoroughly unlikable and remain in this unpleasant state of mind until our attention is distracted by something more interesting. Perhaps mom calls us for supper.

JOB

The more often we do this, the better we become at the routine. Before long we are expert in the unpleasant art of having a “pity party”. The danger of course, is that if we repeat this often enough, we become candidates for very bad behaviour and perhaps even suicide.

What is the cure to this malaise? The answer is laughter. Nothing breaks up a pity party more quickly than laughter; laughing at yourself. At the time, when others laugh at you, you begin to see the humorous side of the situation. But being laughed at, can also make you angrier. I’ve found from personal experience, when I’m prompted to laugh, the ridiculous side of the situation becomes apparent. Nothing pricks your bubble of self-pity, better than seeing how ridiculous you look. But you need to see it yourself.

The Generic Solution

God's Solution

I’m sure that God knows this far better than we do. So He tells us to stop it before it develops into something serious. That’s where the rod of correction comes in. Deal with the child lovingly and firmly before the “pity party” routine has really developed. A friend stated, “Apply the rod of correction to the seat of learning”. It’s the best way to show your children you love them!

Shalom,

Jim & Phyllida Strickland

Matt 10:8 Freely you received, Freely give		Time with Jesus – Wednesday, 29 May 2013			Matt 10:8 Freely you received, Freely give
©	These devotionals are the intellectual property of Jim Strickland and copyright protected. You are welcome to copy and distribute them to anyone provided it is for non-commercial Christian purposes					©
	INTRODUCTION		DAILY LIGHT EVENING SCRIPTURES	THE “PITY-PARTY”
While we were living in Fish Hoek, Cape Town, we had delightful neighbours. We got on well with them and had a pleasant nodding acquaintance relationship. Then they had a baby! This was the noisiest child we have ever come across. At first we thought it was just bad behaviour. Then we were told that there was a medical problem with the baby and that the screaming was not unexpected with this disease. It was very trying for both families. What do we do with children who behave badly? Most people today are not satisfied with the Biblical injunction, 24 Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. Proverbs 13:24 NLT They tell us this is outdated and cruel thinking. More than that; if you do “smack” your child, you could be in serious trouble with the authorities. It seems that the authorities think they are ‘smarter’ than God. They have no compunction promulgating laws that are at variance with God’s Word. Then, when children run amok with anti-social behaviour, they won’t accept the fact that humanistic laws have disastrous consequences. So how do we deal with kids having a “tantrum”? My comment is that a good hiding would be a wonderful deterrent. That’s what my father did and I’m not traumatised by his discipline. A couple of months ago I came across a wonderful cure. The child was having a “paddy” on the floor yelling and screaming about goodness knows what. Mom quietly went and filled a bucket with cold water. Then, while the child was in the middle of his/her star performance, the mother threw the bucket of water on the child. The child was “shocked” into good behaviour. Since then, at the first sign of a temper tantrum, Mom reaches for the bucket. All of a sudden, peace reigns! What can happen is that instead of throwing a tantrum, the individual decides to have a “pity-party”. The mouth pouts, the eyes fill with tears, the child looks for a good hiding place. There, in the quietness of his/her room, they have a full on “pity-party”, which seems to last until suppertime, when hunger draws them out of it. Sadly, adults remember all their childhood tricks. So when things displease them, they retreat into their own private world and have their own private “pity-party”. There doesn’t seem to be any time limit either. Incidentally, group “pity-parties” don’t work. Not even in politics. People tend to laugh at each other. Laughter does not go well with such behaviour. We tend to spot how silly we are being. Then the whole thing breaks down. Is there a cure? Absolutely! An hour or two with Jesus Christ is the perfect antidote. He sees through it instantly Jim & Phyllida Strickland			6 And I say, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; Psalms 55:6 ESV 8 And as the sun grew hot, God arranged for a scorching east wind to blow on Jonah. The sun beat down on his head until he grew faint and wished to die. "Death is certainly better than living like this!" he exclaimed. Jonah 4:8 NLT 1 At last Job spoke, and he cursed the day of his birth. 2 He said: 3 "Let the day of my birth be erased, and the night I was conceived. Job 3:1-3 NLT 20 "Oh, why give light to those in misery, and life to those who are bitter? 21 They long for death, and it won't come. They search for death more eagerly than for hidden treasure. Job 3:20-21 NLT 18 The LORD is close to the broken hearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. 19 The righteous person faces many troubles, but the LORD comes to the rescue each time. 20 For the LORD protects the bones of the righteous; not one of them is broken! Psalms 34:18-20 NLT 27 "Now My soul is deeply troubled. Should I pray, 'Father, save Me from this hour'? But this is the very reason I came! 28 Father, bring glory to Your name." Then a voice spoke from heaven, saying, "I have already brought glory to My name, and I will do so again." John 12:27-28 NLT 17 Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. 18 For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. Hebrews 2:17-18 ESV	It’s called a “pity-party”; when you are all alone, And sit around and bellyache and sulk and moan and groan. We get quite good at doing it, although folk seldom see, Just how well we’re doing and our capability. I’ve had a lot of practice. And I’ve got very good. And give a small recital more often than I should. The expert in all History was known as Mister Job. He shaved His head, fell on the ground and even tore his robe. He had three special buddies who came to bring Him cheer. Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad both came near. Accompanied by Zophar a Naamathite of note, Thought that they could help him to leave his “sinking boat”! For seven days and seven nights they didn’t speak a word So it was only silence our “fallen hero” heard. There’s no need to go through it, it is a well-known tale. And every word they muttered would only help him fail. Another one was Jonah. A prophet sent by God. When told to go to Nineveh, did something rather odd. When told to warn the Ninevites, he went the other way. If God destroyed the lot of them, with him would be OK. He set out on the journey, but a great fish in the sea. Knew with great precision exactly where he’d be. So Jonah travelled free of charge within the giant fish. And so he got to Nineveh regardless of his wish. Then Nineveh repented. And this made Jonah wild. He went out of the city. He sat and never smiled. He had his “pity-party”. And asked if he could die. Nineveh repented and Jonah wondered “Why?” Of course there are no answers to questions of this sort. They had been forgiven so his warning came to naught! The moral of the story is do not be like me. A “pity-party” doesn’t work in Christianity. The Master doesn’t listen. He knows what’s going on. And waits till the performance is over, dead and gone. It doesn’t help to mutter, to “freak out” and complain. Our grumbling is useless and our sulking is in vain. But if we are obedient and do what we are told, We’ll find we are rewarded with heaven’s finest gold! Jim Strickland – Written 29th May 2012